When I was at college, I had a closed friend. Let’s call her name as “B”. One day, I saw B was crying at one corner of an empty classroom. I approached and asked her for a reason. B told me that she had a nightmare that was always threatening to her since childhood days. She thought that there was no bright future for her life and she felt hopeless. I felt bad after I heard about her. She asked me not to share this news to anyone and keep it as a secret .I encouraged her not to give up easily and I will do my best for her whatever she needs a help.
After 2 weeks, we were having a lunch at school canteen with our classmates. One of our classmates, a bit naughty girl, was also in the group. She liked to joke with everyone in the class. We all called her as “a “JOKER.” On that day, she was joking with another classmate and suddenly she teased to B with a word. All people thought that this is just a normal joke that she used to do it. But at that time, B looked at me and her eyes were telling that I was such a kind of untrustworthy person. B suddenly walked out from the table and everyone was looking at me.
B went into the toilet and she was crying at one corner. I asked her for the reason. B did not look at me and told me that she was very angry to me for breaking up of a promise. I realized that the joke was somehow concerned with her nightmare. Therefore, B thought that I had told her secret to the whole class. I explained to B that I did not tell to anyone. Finally, B told me that she did not need a friend like me, our friendship should end from now.
I tried to explain her several times but she did not accept to me at all. At first, I was thinking to solve the problem such that I will bring my joker friend and ask her to prove for me that I did not tell anything about B's secret to her. But at one side, if I explain to the joker friend, she will know B’s secret and the news would be spreading and the condition would become worse. Therefore I decided not to explain it to anyone. But, our friendship was ended just because of an unintentional joke and until now B thought that I am such a kind of untrustworthy person.
How would you react if you were involving in that conflict? What personal skills would you follow up for that conflict to improve the situation and not to spoil the friendship?
After 2 weeks, we were having a lunch at school canteen with our classmates. One of our classmates, a bit naughty girl, was also in the group. She liked to joke with everyone in the class. We all called her as “a “JOKER.” On that day, she was joking with another classmate and suddenly she teased to B with a word. All people thought that this is just a normal joke that she used to do it. But at that time, B looked at me and her eyes were telling that I was such a kind of untrustworthy person. B suddenly walked out from the table and everyone was looking at me.
B went into the toilet and she was crying at one corner. I asked her for the reason. B did not look at me and told me that she was very angry to me for breaking up of a promise. I realized that the joke was somehow concerned with her nightmare. Therefore, B thought that I had told her secret to the whole class. I explained to B that I did not tell to anyone. Finally, B told me that she did not need a friend like me, our friendship should end from now.
I tried to explain her several times but she did not accept to me at all. At first, I was thinking to solve the problem such that I will bring my joker friend and ask her to prove for me that I did not tell anything about B's secret to her. But at one side, if I explain to the joker friend, she will know B’s secret and the news would be spreading and the condition would become worse. Therefore I decided not to explain it to anyone. But, our friendship was ended just because of an unintentional joke and until now B thought that I am such a kind of untrustworthy person.
How would you react if you were involving in that conflict? What personal skills would you follow up for that conflict to improve the situation and not to spoil the friendship?
3 comments:
Hi May,
I would react the same as you had by trying to explain to B first. If she still does not believe me, I would ask for her permission to allow the three of us to have a chance to clarify the issue together. However, if she is unwilling to do so, then perphaps I would try to talk to her other good friends, or people I think she might confide in, to understand how she is feeling and whether there would be anything I could do to make her believe me. It would be a real pity if a friendship is ended just because of an unintentional joke.
I will try to explain things, but in a firm tone.
It takes different tones to explain stuff. If a person is unreasonable, i believe we have the authority to be firm in our speech, but not in a pleading way.
I guess it will be done this way for me... but certainly there may be a better way out, any suggestions from other people
As mentioned by Joo Soon, it was not worth to end the friendship due to an unintentional joke.
Yes , I think Mason is right. B might understand and believe if may's face is firm enough. To me, I will follow may son's idea as there is no other better way. Joo Soon's suggestion is okay. But when the joker know the true story, I worry will she be able to keep this secret ?
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